Yesterday morning, I had my follow-up appointment with Mary. Physically, everything already looks really good. My cervix is "healthy, pink, and closed" and my uterus has returned to its regular size. I am about 5 pounds up from my pre-pregnancy weight, which is about 10 pounds up from where I want to be ultimately (my weight now is at the high end of my normal range-- I'm aiming for the middle). I should be able to lose all 15 by the first of the year or so without too much effort.
I got a copy of my lab results, and sure enough, everything was normal. So now we just keep waiting for autopsy results. Not that there are necessarily answers coming. Mary does feel strongly that it was an issue with the baby or the placenta, not me. Small comfort.
Mary said I should keep taking prenatal vitamins, since I intend to get pregnant again, relatively soon. The range of answers I've seen for when it's safe to try again after a 20-week loss is immediately through six months, with the most popular answer being after 3 normal cycles. I don't have any clue when my regular cycle will come back. After I had Leo, it took months and I ultimately jumpstarted it with provera-- but that was after pumping for 12 weeks, which is obviously a different situation. Mary thinks that given how well I've recovered already, I could get pregnant in as soon as a month or two, if I was emotionally ready. I feel more comfortable with the three normal cycles wisdom.
So... as that suggests, I do hope to try again. I don't think I have it in me to do cycle after cycle, but I can do at least one more.
Emotionally, every day is a little easier. There are things I still have trouble with-- telling anybody who doesn't already know is an obvious one-- but for the most part, I'm getting through the day without losing it.
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